Forgiveness

I can honestly say that I do not often think of the man that caused Randy's car accident. I made the decision long ago to not allow him to enter my thoughts because the unfairness of the situation breaks my heart. He was being negligent by driving too fast during rush hour traffic. We have all made bad decisions. A few years ago, I was following someone too close when it was raining and when they stopped abruptly I rear-ended them. It damaged my car more than theirs. What hurts my heart in regards to Jimi Bellinger is his callousness, his lack of responsibility. After I rear-ended the person, I remained in contact with them, paying their deductible, taking responsibility for my actions even though it was an accident.

Not only was Bellinger not following the law by not carrying insurance, he wasn't even sorry. He has shown no regard for the life of another human being. He hid out from the attorney, was uncooperative with the officer.

I decided long ago, though, that by hanging onto any resentments or anger towards him would be pointless. In the end, it would only cause harm to me.

However, the day after Randy's surgery, as he lay on the table with the doctors pulling on the muscles around his eyes trying to fuse together his vision, my whole body filled with anger at Jimi Bellinger. My Randy was going through so much physical pain and the person who caused it out of their negligence was not going to be held responsible in any earthly way. All Bellinger got out of the whole deal was a fine for not carrying insurance. The fine was less than the cost of 6 months worth of insurance.

Today, though, I read an article in the paper about a man who was acquitted of charges stemming from an accident in which he killed 5 people. All 5 of the people were children, the oldest being 12. All 5 were siblings. The parents of these children, even while they themselves were in the hospital recovering their injuries from the accident, publicly forgave the man who caused the accident.

Wow! I still have Randy in my life. Life is hard sometimes - he is in pain all of the time, which hurts my heart; he struggles with things that use to be easy for him. But I still have him there to talk to, to touch, to experience life with.

I don't know what is in the heart of Jimi Bellinger. I hope that he never causes someone else the amount of pain and suffering that he has caused my family. But I am in the process of forgiving him. It is a daily process. Every day, I have to forgive him.